What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
