Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
