wrigley field is MILF paradise
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
