I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
