I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
