I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
