The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
