You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We have started to decorate penises.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
