whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
