We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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