like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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