Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
