he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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