If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
