Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
