Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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