Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
