i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
