when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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