Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
