The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
