So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
