you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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