Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
