omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
