Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
