Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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