I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
