hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
