Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
