onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
