I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
