I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Two words: blizzard sex
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
