Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
