I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
