Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
