i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
