So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
