Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
