So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
