hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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