yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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