I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
