I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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