I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
