just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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