She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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