she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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