I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
