i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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